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On The Beer

mark wood

by Mark Wood

First Airbourne Minutes

Goode evening North America and all ships at sea! I’m On the Beer at a remote location where the 1rst Airborne Homebrew Division is holding office around a rather large blaze.

Jimmy-Two-Fires is in his glee. He’s fashionably attired in a white t-shirt, customized with black magic marker endorsing his allegiance to Brewery Lane on the front and the 1rst Airborne on the back, and a dotted line around the neck with further instructions to “fill to here with Smokey Browns”. It also has his home phone number, should the inevitable happen.

“Gen’l’men!” roars Smok’n Joe, “Wha’s goin’ on with shedology.com?” The b’ys take quiet inventory of their boots.

“I realize that beer and technology are an odd combination,” continues SJ.

“But I have exasperations.”

“Interpretations?” offers J2F. “Inspirations?”

“I’m tellin’ the story,” sez SJ. “Ya gotta dream big, ya don’t wish for a bag of chips, ya wish for the whole factory! Special Ed, don’t you wanna go racing in Afriker or something?”

“Paris-Dakar,” sez SE. “Starts January first. I wanna be the first Newf to race there.”

“I wanna start the big fire at Burning Man!” sez J2F. (No surprise there.) The b’ys are inspired: mugs are filled, logs are heaped on the fire and a heated debate ensues over the potential shock value of retreiving and restoring the long-abandoned car on the moon.

“Hold off the blasty boughs there J2F,” sez SJ. “S’gettin’ a bit firetruckish. Now, are we gonna take control of our lives and realize our dreams, or are we just gonna drink beer and talk about it?”

The roar from the b’ys carries way down the valley: “We’re just gonna drink beer and talk about it!”

And they do.

Hey, if you’re reading this off somebody’s fridge – get with the program. The next beer in your face could be your own!

Mark is also a regular columnist with The Independent (.ca) newspaper.