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On the Beer

mark wood

by Mark Wood

Name Your Beer!

So there you are at the helm of your bar-bcue under an azure sky of deepest summer. The smoky aroma of sauce and sizzle heralds your feast on the breeze. Ah yes, the beer. The perfect perfunctory beer handcrafted by the Alchemist (Alchemistress?!) as clear as an un-muddied lake with swirls of tiny bubbles racing to the foamy head, condensation dripping on the side of the glass, and a flavour that brings home family from the farthest corner of the earth.

When you meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates you’ll smell it on his breath.

It’s your favourite brand from Brewery Lane, but what do you call it? Go-Juice? Dr. McGuinty’s Cure for Snake-Bite? Mine is a Morgan’s Smoky Brown Ale that goes by the name of “Thunder Cloud” ‘cause it’s like sipping on a cloud with an element of danger. I’ve also got a potent Blonde Ale called “Lightning” and on Fryday Nite you got yer basic storm advisory out in the shed!

In order to promote this high-spirited form of alcohol-powered name-calling we’ve decided to have a “Name Your Beer” contest! Enter by sending your monicker to Brewery Lane. You can e-mail or phone 709-754-4090, fax 709-754-4044 with your entry. Contest closes Oct. 15, 99 and the winner receives a batch of personalized labels!

There’s no physical exam and no salesperson will visit your house. Cheers!

Mark is also a regular columnist with The Independent (.ca) newspaper.

Editor's Note: This is a reprint from our archives. Please don't send any entries. The contest ended in 1999!