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mark wood

by Mark Wood

Man Calls His Own Funeral

You may remember the national headline from a couple of months ago. There was a funeral service in Newfoundland and another in Ontario both interrupted by the guest of honour. His name was/is Dane Squires from St. Phillips and he was/is a friend of mine as much as one could be friends with a hurricane or a snowstorm or any other natural disaster.

I decided to dedicate our usual Fryday Nite festivities to celebrate his good fortune and tell tales of…

The Legend of Dane Squires.

Jimmy Two Fires: "He was once the Harbour Master for about a week and very diligent collecting launch fees and mooring accounts. The loot was promptly spent at the store keeping him and his merry band of pirates awash in beer. He usually had an entourage to encourage him and of course he obliged them with entertainment."

We snickered a bit over that and filled our mugs, toasting the scoundrel.

Smokin' Joe: "There was a fishing shack by the harbour with a large, crude, hand painted inscription on the side of it, forever immortalized in the movie The Adventures Of Faustus Bidgood!"

"I Say, I Say, She's Armed And Dangerous!" We all roared, falling about and slapping each other on the back. As legend would have it somehow Dane was associated with the graffiti boasting of some exploit with ocean going authority.

Yep, Dane was just an abbreviation for Dangerous and even though he was legally declared deceased he is very much alive.

And we've said too much for comfort.

Mark is also a regular columnist with The Independent (.ca) newspaper.