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On The Beer

mark wood

by Mark Wood

First Airbourne Home-Brew Division

And it came to pass that the First Airborne Home-brew Division were world famous within a halfmile of Shedquarters, and rumours circulated about their alchemy. Smok’n Joe took his office seriously and officiated our Fryday Nite gatherings under enthusiastic premises such as ‘Safety Meeting’, ‘Factory Recall’ or ‘This Side Up’. However, it was during Feast of Maximum Occupancy that we were visited by three wise guys from up the shore in search of enlightenment, or beer, whichever came first.

Jimmy Two-Fires acted as interpreter for them, and addressed Smok’n Joe: “B’ys wanna know how to make beer and join the club.”

Smok’n Joe looked at them sideways, and said, “The first rule of Beer Club is there is no beer club.” The wise guys looked puzzled, we giggled, everybody knew the next line: “The second rule of beer club, if this is your first night you must drink beer.” We roared and the usual clinkage and spillage ensued. “How’s about we send them off with a case of our finest?” offered J2F. “S’great idea,” spewed Special Ed.

“Not so fast,” sez Smok’n Joe, “Too close to bootlegging, kinda hard to explain at this hour of the evening where you got that box of beer. Besides, such lawlessness in these parts would be considered trendy. You can fill yer boots as long as I can see the whites of yer eyes.”

“...glaze over,” added J2F.

And they did all that, the filling of boots, the eyes glazing over, the loud music, cigar smoke and fine debate that always occupies our meetings. “This is good,” said Wise Guy, “You should really do more to promote this.” “We’re writing it all down for posteriority,” sez J2F “So we can look back on it.” This produced a snicker fit.

Apparently the b’ys were InfoTech wise guys and talked Smok’n Joe into a website to give a glimpse into the social behaviour of people in sheds, or as J2F envisioned, “Scratch away the rust of entertainment, expose the bare metal of fun and weld ourselves onto it.”

What else would you expect from these guys? Click on and see for yourself.

Mark is also a regular columnist with The Independent (.ca) newspaper.