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On The Beer

mark wood

by Mark Wood

Me, Pam Anderson & A Half-Dozen Homebrew

I have the extraordinary ability to figure out almost anything after consuming three homebrew, and after three more I'm ready to explain myself. Lucky for us I'm full.

My focus on this goode eve is why celebrities preach to us every spring, intent on making us better Newfoundland & Labradorians. There is a simple explanation.

In the early 1800's there was a French mathematician named Simeon-Denis Poisson who formed the theory that when a bizarre circumstance occurs it will happen frequently. He called it the "Poisson Burst Factor."

Well, that explains why I'm sippin' Smokey Browns by the fire every Fryday Nite. There are other richly bizarre happenstances though. Um, our Premiere kicked Paul McCartney's butt. (We're all very proud of him.)

Then, Pam Anderson abused her final appearance at the Juno Awards. Now, if she had cautioned us that hopping on the ice every spring is a dangerous sport and we shouldn't be at it, we could have taken her seriously.

According to the Poisson Burst Factor, it won't be long before she sets her hissy-fit on me because writing about beer makes people thirsty.

Please, stop the senseless…ness.

Mark is also a regular columnist with The Independent (.ca) newspaper.