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On The Beer

mark wood

by Mark Wood

A New Shed!

On a perfect mauzy summer evening, the transient First Airborne Homebrew Division assembled to commission my newly acquired shed as a home-base for their foolish operations.

“Let’s hop a bottle off the pointy end of it,” offered Smokin’ Joe, “just like a ship.”

“Absolute blasphemy, sir!” bawled Special Ed. “A complete waste of resources. Why don’t we just inhabit the premises and spill a little more homebrew than usual, kinda spread around our scent?”

The B’ys naturally denied spilling anything and set up shop inside to perform quite the opposite.

“I declare these premised officially commandeered by us and to enjoy all the rights, privileges and emoluments of said shed,” profused a particularly eloquent Smokin’ Joe.

This was enthusiastically seconded by The B’ys with a series of lively toasts until the floor resembled the deck of a schooner in a summer storm.

“On behalf of the crew, we got you a shed commissioning gift.” said Smokin’ Joe.

Wrapped in heavy canvas was all the makings for a Smokey Brown Ale and a Blonde Ale, collectively known as Thunder and Lightning. The potent ombination of the two ales is called a Storm Warning and has the potential to turn a regular evening into a Power Failure.

“Thanks, b’ys.” I said. “I’m gonna resist the temptation to pour this right down the well and brew it the old fashioned way.”

This was one of those common knee-slapping haw-haw moments when co-ordination was lost and much spillage ensued.

Having achieved our ommissioning, The B’ys repaired to the smoking room – an adjacent fire pit. Jimmy Two Fires had thoughtfully stoked it into a University of Texas style blaze for the occasion.

“S’lookin’ a bit firetruckish,” commented Special Ed.

“She’s past that stage, b’y,” coughed SJ. “S’almost waterbombish!”

The B’ys seemed right at home in their strange, new environment. But then again, home is where the homebrew is.

Mark is also a regular columnist with The Independent (.ca) newspaper.