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On The Beer

mark wood

by Mark Wood

A Beer Story

This is a true story, a beer story. We’ll pick up right where we left off in the last true beer story, bunkered down in a shed in a snowstorm with a crew of local brewmasters. There’s four flavours of brew chilling in the snow outside, polite banter by the woodstove and generally a perfect evening devoted to sippage of beer, clinkage of mugs and the resulting spillage thereof.

An offhanded remark sparked an idea, someone kicked it around, another hopped it off the wall until a notion was formed and then there was pandemonium. The b’ys decided to form an independent brewers association, resplendent and complete with a campaign and election amongst the candidates, numbering two, the electorate, numbering two also. Well, there were promises made and broken simultaneously, feverish debate over minute details, stirring speeches and there was, of course, beer—lots of beer.

The wind howled outside pushing the spring ice onshore and of all the snowflakes that fell that night, one of them broke an accumulation record that had stood for a hundred and twenty years. Somehow the votes were tallied, Smok’n Joe emerged victorious and addressed us.

“Gen’l’men! Our mandate is to provoke and promote our particular brand of mayhem in the art of brewing beer and its consequences!” (Thunderous applause.) “We’ll need a decent name”, roared a member, “and big boots!” added another, obviously not me.

“In order to achieve world domination, one needs big boots,” acquiesced Smok’n Joe, probably following up on one of his blurry election promises, “and we are The First Airborne Home-brew Division!”

(fillage, clinkage, sippage, spillage)

“B’ys,” continued our hilarious leader, “this is our finest hour! We will drink them on the beaches, on decks and in sheds!”

Can we get away with this? Stay tuned for further adventures wherein the b’ys achieve altitude and uphold the law.

Mark is also a regular columnist with The Independent (.ca) newspaper.