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On the Beer

mark wood

by Mark Wood

Good news: You may not be drinking enough!

Recently I interviewed a brilliant researcher at MUN’s Faculty of Medicine who is studying the beneficial effects of alcohol, and he has graciously permitted me to unofficially publish some of his findings.

Are you ready for this? Two drinks a day is good for you. Not just one, but two. The good doctor told me you can take your medicine any way you like: beer, rum, scotch, or any combination, as long as you take two. The beneficial effects are reduced blood pressure, less chance of heart disease and the immediate stress relief of having two fine drinks.

I asked my newfound alcohol advisor the obvious question of whether or not one might be able to save up one’s weekly dosage for “fryday night” and down it all in one sitting. The answer was yes, and although such a “download” is not good for you, it isn’t harmful. That’s good news too.

Now that we have established that beer is medicine but not covered by Medicare, how much should the average person pay to fill their prescription per year? At the corner store you can pay around $900, barflies get soaked for at least $3000, while Brewery Lane customers only pay about $365. More good news!

So the next time you’re at a provincial park and see a guy with a beer in each hand first thing in the morning, relax. He’s probably just taking his medicine.

Mark is also a regular columnist with The Independent (.ca) newspaper.