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On The Beer

mark woodby Mark Wood

Decommissioning of Shedquarters

This was an historic occasion, the final Fryday Nite for the original Shedquarters of the First Airborne Homebrew Division! Apparently it was sold as a package deal with the homestead, much to the dismay of the weekly assemblage who were reluctant to shed their shed.

I figured we’d have a quiet evening and take a last look around but somehow the word got out, prime suspect Jimmy-Two-Fires.

Smok’n Joe attempted his official address and was interrupted by both a double-knock on the door and a Hobble-Hotline (cell phone).

“We’re here to decommission the Shed” announced the enthusiastic crew at the door, whilst J2F employed his own convoluted code on the Hotline… “Thunderclouds are go!”

The usual mayhem ensued, though with a lot more unusual people, an exponential amount of homebrew and a combination Toast and Roast of yours truly, the host. There were wild stories, no surprise there, and all true.

One yarn that I completely forgot about and not too incriminating was that I was the fortunate victim of identity theft some years ago. It was noted in the student newspaper that I was one of the top ten goal scorers in the MUN ballhockey leaque! Apparently the b’ys were exercising some obscure bylaw to recruit a “ringer” with my credentials while I enjoyed the notoriety.

Yep, those were the days, and this was the evening to sum it all up. Last chance to tell it like it was in the old shed.

Luckily our Chief Military Advisor was present, he who had actually decommisioned a ship and informed us of the relevant statute applicable to decommisioning a shed… “Not a drop left on board.”

We made a serious effort and gave fond farewell to those that tried, “Thanks for doing your limit!”

A short time later (or not) I reached in the fridge and found the Final Thundercloud, a few strands of ice in the neck, the whole bottle covered in condensation, sweating it out like there was no tomorrow. Which there wasn’t, not for this beer and not for us here.

We’ll be fine though, everybody knows how to launch a ship, sheds are the same I suppose.

And that guy who used to impersonate me? He’s much taller and famous. Accept no substitutes, I are on the beer.

Mark is also a regular columnist with The Independent (.ca) newspaper.